Friday, March 27, 2020

lock down

Today is Day One of lock down. Currently expected to last for 21 days.
We'll see.

I've stocked the house, filled the prescriptions, bought the basic meds we'll need should anyone get sick.
I've helped my parents get ready, made sure the people who work for us are safe and provided for, checked in with friends and family - especially those living alone.
I've donated to various organisations helping those in need through this time.
I've gone through the roller-coaster of all the emotions and fears, I've acknowledged my grief and rallied my energies.

I woke up this morning and felt ... relief. Anyone else feeling that I wonder.

There's nothing more I can do except stay at home. This is what I can do now to help. I'm so grateful not to have to go out anymore.

The logistics of leaving, being out there, returning - the sanitising and taking care and physical distancing and contamination containment was genuinely starting to make me feel loopy.
But worse, the people I saw every time who were not taking the same precautions, not taking this seriously, not taking care - that was driving my anxiety through the roof.

'You're all going to die' I'd think watching people huddle together to watch something on a phone, share a can of soda, eat with their hands, pick at their teeth, spit in the street. 'You're all going to die and you're going to take someone I love with you'.
Anxiety is not rational, but anxiety is real, and I've had enough brushes with proper anxiety attacks in my life to know I was skirting dangerous territory.

But now we're home. And we're not allowed to leave. As an adult I am so grateful for other grown-ups telling us what to do right now. And so immensely grateful for everyone out there doing what they're doing so that we can stay right here.

The weirdest thing about this virus is this - it causes one immense fear and concern, and then puts one in the place (if you're lucky) where you're most well-equipped to deal with this.
In our home, with our pets, our loved ones, our comforts.

Where this goes no one knows, but for now I feel more relaxed than I have in weeks, and I'm going to cling to that for a while.
Until the milk runs out at least.

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