doctor stella

For the 3 of you who aren't facebook friends ...

Outfit made by the super fun Lula by Emma, and gifted by the girls' beloved Auntie B (who's rapidly becoming dress-up-giver extraordinaire).

toes in heaven

Aside from Frieda nearly biting off her tongue while doing a gutsy jump off a high wall (true story - very gross, lots of parental props for not fainting and one very sore, very brave little girl), our annual family retreat was totally wonderful.

Yup, I'm still wearing my stupid and badly-named 'speed brace' - the ankle is vastly improved but not fully-functional - but this weekend I wore it in a beautiful place, surrounded by very lovely people.

My family are the best. For me. And that's the most important thing right?

collaaaaage!

One thing I'm learning about myself is how I like to make a grand sweeping statement (e.g 'next week I'll be doing something else other than the fish'), and then renege on it.

I spent all of my second collage class obsessively finishing my fish, and loving it. 

I'm not entirely happy with the tail, but I couldn't keep tinkering with it any longer, and think you get a sense of movement? I love the giant eyeball and the pink punk fin, my fish is a bit of a badass.

I also love that the fin, and the darker red and black curve under it, is Gwen Stefani's ass from Vogue magazine. Ha ha ha. 

Incidentally, fashion magazines have the best colours.

There was a Brazilian guy in class this time, a guy so tattooed it was difficult to focus on his true outline. He kind of blurred with his surroundings, a bit of a collage himself. I'm hoping next week to be able to say this to him, and maybe get a photo.

He is a montage artist, and looking at pictures of his previous work I realised that that is really what I'm more into. Intricately cutting out images and sticking them together in different ways.

The project I'm planning for next week is a bit of a combo of both ...

Loving this class!

why can't we all just get along?

In the light of the atrocities happening in Uganda, and the recent distressing news from Arizona, picking up this in the waiting room at my GP's office was a real shocker.

What the actual fuck fuckitty fuck?

I calmly read it, photographed it, and folded it up under my arm when I went in to see the doctor. I asked her about it before we went any further with the consultation, it being a bit of a deal-breaker in the continuance of our until now valued doctor-patient relationship.
Thankfully she was as horrified as I, and clearly from her reaction already suspected which staff member was responsible for disseminating this filth.
Really left me with a horrid taste in my mouth (and not just from the antibiotics either).

On Monday I took the girls out for fish and chips and were seated behind a table of men, all speaking Afrikaans.
The girls don't provide much in the way of stimulating conversation while shoveling hot chips, so naturally I eavesdropped.
Turns out this bunch of friends were counselling one of their group as he prepared to come out to his family.

It was a wonderful conversation to listen in on. The young guy's angst was real, and that was sad, but his friends were amazing, offering such insightful and affectionate advice - telling bits of their own coming out stories and really working to help him overcome his fears.
There was some joking too, and teasing about the kind of questions he needed to prepare himself for:
'Who's the man and who's the wife?'
'When did you know?'
'Have you ever slept with a woman?'
The group all laughed wryly at these, and made comments on how straight people just don't get it do they?

We're all so different, negotiating our way through this crazy world. But we're all so similar too, we all just want to be happy, and accepted. Even poor old 'Janet' in the article above.
And we all need friends to help navigate our way along this journey.

I left feeling so happy that this guy had such good friends, whatever the reaction from his family will be, and saddened that 'Janet' has clearly distanced herself from hers, and maybe her chance to really be happy.

so.much.noise

I did a software upgrade on my phone recently. It's been really slow since then.
'Have you done a factory reset?' asks Husband.
'No, of course not.'
'You got to back everything up first.'
'How?'
'With Kies.'
'The Kies that keeps crashing my laptop?'
'Reinstall it.'
'So, uninstall it and then reinstall it on the laptop that keeps crashing?'
'Well, move to the PC I built you.'
'But before I do that I have to back up right?'
'Yeah ... well start with your phone and then everything else.'

Everything else.

I'm really too young to be a tech-philistine. I can't let it start intimidating me yet. I don't want to be that person. But jesus I'm tired of having to learn to do a new thing when I just want to draw a line under an old thing and get on with living my life.

The To Do pile wrt to Things To Back Up and Move and Save for Eternity just joins the list of all the other things that need Sorting Out.
Like my desk.
And the art room.
And the piles of junk I stashed in various cupboards before the birthday party on Saturday.
And the photos, don't get me started on the photos.
And the girl's closets.
And the toy room.
And the at least 5 projects I've got on the go.
And the upcoming contract I'm starting soon.
I could go on but really it's too boring.

Sorting out and backing up and clearing the decks is not how I want to live my life. Not. At. All.
All this stuff makes so much noise.

the 4th!

We had Stella's 4th birthday party here at home yesterday afternoon. It was spectacularly good fun.

So grateful for family and friends and food and love and laughter and beauty.

sticky fish

There is a fish (in fact two fish) in that bowl, they're just camera shy.

At this first class we all had to sketch the fish, collage the fish. Instantly I was put off. I didn't want to be told what to create, that's not what I'd signed up for. But quickly it became clear that this was the fastest method to teach us the myriad of ways in which collage can be approached, and not having to spend too much time on conceptualising meant we all got right down to tearing and cutting and sticking. Oh the joy!

Apparently many people stick with their fish. Refining and building on this one piece throughout the month of classes. I'm nearly done mine, and thinking ahead to what I'll do next week.
I'm not sure what this says about me, or my method. I know that I need to start in order to get the inspiration flowing, and maybe because I was SO READY for this is was easy to throw myself in. I've also confirmed I'm not that into the torn paper look - I'm more of a scissor sister really.

I was amused by some of the questions the others asked though. Am I allowed to do such and such, or is it okay if I change the colours? The thought of asking permission to be creative never crossed my mind, and when I intricately cut out a long green water plant instead of collaging it in, the woman next to me said, 'That's a good cheat' and I laughed, you can't 'cheat' at art. Can you?

This is as much fun as I thought it would be. Roll on next week!

more about Adam

Last year I wrote a post about my friend from high school who died tragically aged 17. Lynne begged me to send a copy to his Mum, and with every intention of doing so I tracked down his brother and had a tear-speckled email conversation with him.
I got his Mum's address, but I kind of lost my nerve (why? what was I nervous about?), and a full year passed until I finally wrote to her, a few weeks ago.

I received her response today.

It's a weird feeling, knowing that my letter and the blog post I printed and sent with it, made her so happy and so sad.
I feel conflicted, with happiness - satisfaction that I could express how I felt about him so well (she refers to the post as 'an eternal love letter to my beautiful son') and that my letter was 'so very welcome' to her  - but also really humbled and unworthy to have intersected with her immeasurable grief. I think this is what held me back from writing to her for so long, I didn't feel ... entitled in some way ... to tell her anything about missing Adam. She owns the rights to that loss solely and completely.

But of course that was naive. And more than needing to hear that other people miss him, she needs to hear that others remember him, that he lives on in other hearts too.

She told me that after the first few awful years, she'd found a way that was 'manageable' to keep on going, but that just recently it has been very difficult again.
Maybe, as with all things, there was a reason I sent my letter to her now, not a year ago.

I found this in the high school diary I was reading through on the weekend. No Adam, you're my dreamboy.
For ever and ever.

the american job

Talk about hit the ground running.

After my weeks of idle layabout (doctor's orders you know), I embarked on a feverish 10 day job for some Americans.

Some Americans who work in the Communications Dept of a huge international firm.

Some Americans who work in the Communications Dept of a huge international firm and SUCK at communicating.

Add to that a 7 hour time difference, a complete lack of detailed brief, a complete lack of bigger picture perception and some pretty condescending ideas of how things work in Africa and what do you have?

A very stupid, stupid job. Which paid dollars. And is now over so ja ... I shouldn't really complain.

Debrief done. Over and out.

catch some poop Lady Liberty

50 things about right now

1. We sold my car on Saturday. I'd had it since 2006.
2. It felt like the last vestige of my pre-kids life driving away.
3. Stella's favourite word(s) are 'spic and span'.
4. Frieda's favourite word is 'lunch'. Say them out loud, they're awesome.
5. My favourite word is any one which is not directed at me.
6. This week I see a biokineticist.
7. I'm still not sure how they differ from a physiotherapist.
8. This week we see Stella's ENT. Again.
9. I will be fucking annoyed if we're going back for more grommets.
10. Someone suggested sacro cranial massage instead. Is that really a thing?
11. This week I start my collage class. Have I mentioned I'm excited?
12. This week is going to be super busy.
13. We're hosting a mermaid pirate birthday party on Saturday.
14. The lounge is half-painted.
15. I need to 1) bake 24 cupcakes (done!),
16. 2) bake 16 mini-cupcakes (fuckit, I'm buying un-iced ones),
17. 3) make icing in 3 different colours. This is all just for the cake.
18. The cake is going to be goddamn beautiful.
19. The girls and I made octo-pops (pics to follow) (not cake pops)
20. Stella didn't feel the 'tentacles' (her word) were anatomically correct.
21. We're reading On the Banks of Plum Creek.
22. We're reading Pegasus.
23. Frieda's reading flash cards. Frieda's reading.
24. We got the pedalo back in the water (husband's been repairing it) and he and Frieda took it for a spin.
25. He happily reports her legs have grown enough to significantly help with pedaling.
26. A dehydrated duckling quietly died in front of us on Friday. There's been lots of talk of death.
27. I'm having a bit of a 'approaching 40 and facing the limitations of my body' moment. Despite 40 still being 14 months away.
28. I'm tired of it not working properly though. My body that is.
29. The battery on my mobile is stuffed. I'm ignoring it.
30. And on the subject, our ginger cat is getting on and I'm nervous about how she'll handle winter.
31. Winter is coming.
32. Luckily so is series 4.
33. Husband is going to make scones for the parents on Saturday. He's a keeper.
34. I'm wondering if I can be arsed to make pirate flags ... if I do they'll be black skulls on white backgrounds 'cos that's all the fabric I have. Is that acceptable? Aha! Friends arrived with their kid draped in one, he very kindly let us borrow it for the weekend.
35. How many parents will come, and stay, on Saturday?
36. How far in advance can one make jelly?
37. I want to start working raised beds this autumn to plant veggies for spring.
38. Must do some research ...
39. I don't often indulge parenting-related guilt, but after many weeks of being disconnected (my ankle injury and then working so hard the last two), I feel I need to put some thought and planning in to what we'll do with our time together (the girls and I) this year.
40. Spending time with them is so good.
41. Their relationship with each other fascinates me.
42. Frieda has way more patience with her sister than I do.
43. The best thing about prepping for a party is clearing out all the junk in the house.
44. We took a full load to the dump on the weekend.
45. Why are we such hoarders?
46. Is there anything better than finding the perfect use for something you've been hoarding?
47. I really should be coating marshmallows in chocolate.
48. Or figuring out whether it's best to receive $$ straight into my bank account or through PayPal.
49. I should write about the American Job, for therapy as much as anything else.
50. Instead I'm hanging strings of stars arbitrarily around the house.

My little star turns 4 this month!