Sunday, August 12, 2018


number the one:

drinking with friends

Lordy, I been drinking. That's probably not okay right?
But you know (cue classic heavy drinker excuse), I'm working two jobs, running a household, propping up a super-stressed husband, dealing with shit - and I haven't dropped any of those balls have I? I'm fiiiine.
Except I know really I'm not. And that wine, for the all the blissful temporary distraction it provides, is not the answer.
I'm a grown up. I'll temper my ways. But damn, it feels good to just let go for a bit.

number the two:


Well, trying to. Friends and I went out for a big lesson one perfect Sunday. Winter is the best time for waves on our local beach, without the relentless South East wind which plagues us in summer.
We learnt how to paddle out, pop-up, stay up (ha) and had a lot of fun trying to do all of those. Muizenberg must be the most democratic wave in the country - everyone is out there, and everyone makes space.
We've been out a couple more times. Okay fine, I've been out ONCE more, but I'm hoping soon to find more time for it.
Water is better therapy than wine.

number the three:

Therapy for real. I'm starting to see someone next week. It was supposed to be last week but I had to postpone due to a last-minute trip to Joburg. As my friend more experienced in therapy than I said, you can bet she's made a note of that in your file.
Oof. Drinking wine and surfing is going to be way easier than this.

camera roll: July

For July I'm posting landscapes.

Beautiful big images which open the eyes and the mind. Which don't speak of the frustrations of trying to juggle school holidays and work - parental guilt like I've never before really experienced - feeling awful for being so distracted, feeling cross for feeling awful. 

A pedalo ride of a still, sunny afternoon by myself. A chance to get a different perspective. To collect rubbish floating in the water and feel like making a contribution to something other than just my and my family's own, persistent, needs.

A birthday hike to celebrate my man, their dad, our huge privilege for all being together - essentially healthy and well. To stretch our legs and our horizons. To walk off all that chocolate cake and enjoy each other's company.

A stormy day on the harbour wall. Big gulps of sea air and good friendship.

Big pictures for the most important big things - family, friends, beauty and privilege. I try to cling to these, even as the lesser things feel like they're dragging me under. I wish my head was as clear as these views.
We'll get there.