with apologies to dr seuss, the neighbour, the husband and, I guess, the cat...

Twas the baby's naptime and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a mouse...

Well, especially not the mouse. 'Cos it was very dead. On my kitchen floor.

And so I faced one of those moments I'm sure all parents encounter, when I had to suck it up, stare down my personal hang-ups, and be the grown up.

I, perpetual avoider and cringer of all things dead, had to remove this mouse all by myself.

I had to act fast. If I thought about it too long I'd be a goner (seriously people, I can't flush a goldfish down the loo) and not really wanting to leave home for the afternoon, I sprung into action.

Within a minute I;

Grabbed the dust-pan & brush (long handled praise the lord), scooped the mouse corpse (shudder) into the pan.

Opened the back door and faced dilemma number 2: where to put it so the cat wouldn't find it again and eviscerate it (much harder to clean up post-evisceration). Great word by the way.

Decided to chuck it over our neighbour's wall.

Ok, ok, so I need to pause to justify this one. a) she's a cow b) she never shares the lush avocados which grow on her tree in full view of our kitchen window c) she shouts at her grand-daughter and while I'm sure 8 yr olds can be trying they don't need to be shouted at quite like that d) when she sneezes it sounds like some-one's being eviscerated (oooo, second usage...), giving us heart failure every time and e) she doesn't share her avo's.

I examined my conscience, decided I was karmically ok with it all, and lobbed that dead mouse over her wall as hard as I could.

Except I didn't.

Get it over the wall that is.

Nooooo, karma (that whiley son of a gun) had other plans and clearly decided to settle mine right there and then. The mouse dropped down my side of the wall and disappeared into the tangled ivy growing upon it.

I think I mentioned the weather's warming up?

I looked at the tangled green leaves, packed up my dust-pan and brush, went inside and decided to Make It Husband's Problem when he got home.

Alas, after some half-hearted scratching around he's been unable to find the ex-mouse and all that remains (gnh gnh) is to wait for it to make its ghoulish presence known.

And judging by the temperature today, it won't be very long.

Euuwwww.