all or nothing

We were at a party on Saturday night. It was late and there were only 6 or 7 of us left. A man and a woman, who'd only just met as far as I could make out, sat to one side in their own conversation while the rest of us shrieked and bantered at the table.
If I recall it was this making us laugh - the inane hilarity of a personalised pre-recorded birthday salutation. It was late okay?

Then, in a sitcom-esque moment of pure comedy, as our laughter died down and a lull ensued, we all clearly heard our friend across the room, saying to his new friend: 'When you touch it do you feel something?'
My god we laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed.

I still don't know what they were talking about, I know it wasn't as intriguing (or intimate) as it sounded, I know the timing was beautiful and I know my sides were still aching yesterday. Those laugh muscles got quite a work out, it was a great party.

But it made me think about this space of mine, which I miss, and why I don't just come back here with everything and nothing like I used to. Since I've been so absent here I increasingly feel the pressure to come back strong, to break the lull with something exceptionally well written, or hilariously funny.
I find myself thinking of things to write and then not doing so, because it's not 'good' enough.

Not good enough for my own personal blog at the end of the universe? If it's good enough for the inside of my head it should be good enough for here. Self-censoring my content here feels like censoring my thoughts and how crap is that?

Like a knife through the heart cake.

Made for our friend whose birthday we were celebrating on Saturday,