May is your month, May is important.
Once a month is bad enough for the ol' blog - don't skip one!
I did this thing back in Feb. On the anniversary of Zahida's death. My favourite punctuation tattooed on my forearm ...
... for endings and beginnings, and the never-ending cycle of both, for things left unsaid ... for room to imagine ... to trail off and pick up another thread ... to pause and think ... to leave a space for someone else to occupy, or leave ... to assert yourself subtly ... or show doubt, vulnerability ... for life and whatever comes after ...
My 101 year old Granny slipped off in March.
In April we said goodbye to our beloved Khoki cat - our first baby, our friend for 19 years.
And I decided that of all the lessons I'd like to impart on my daughters - this said in the knowledge that one never knows what will stick and what will not - I'd like one of them to be that you make your own fun, you have agency in your own happiness, and that birthdays deserve a party, no matter your age.
I spent my birthday surrounded by my bests. We hosted a lunch and that weekend, for the first time since mid March, I could walk. I could faff around the house making nice for my friends, I could prep a meal and lay a table, I could do a 'food board' ala Instagram, I could host and fetch another bottle of wine and more ice and a sharp knife and juice for a child ... I could WALK.
Even at the ripe old age of 4fuckin'4 my body can still heal. In the midst of my 40's I can do a highly responsible job for an international client and still know the value in taking a day off for illicit mid-week treats - this time an indulgent meal and a massage at the wondrous Babylonstoren ...
I loved being young and feckless and living in the moment without even realising it. I love living in the moment and realising it, even more.
Best life, it's the only one worth living.
1 comment:
yes, yes, yes. so true. and then, as you head toward 50, even more of all that. while i know i SHOULD be doing this or that, i find myself just wanting to sit and play with the dogs, cuz that feels so damn good. and, i'd always said i'd plan the biggest party for my 50th... so, we shall see... i'm glad you're walking!!
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